All I want to do is dance

My name is Santana Klaus. I am a Kenyan girl. I know that my names do not sound it, but they are what my parents gave me. Sigh! I love to dance and I love to sing. I act pretty well too, as I have been told. Maybe those saying were just biased. Or maybe they have not seen better actors. Either way, they still said it. Sometimes I believe them, sometimes I do not.

Life being me can be pretty boring, or interesting, depending on who is talking. I do not have special powers like teleporting or a super brain, although life would be way easier if I did. In school, I am not an excellent student, I am average. I get comments like ‘you can do better’ or ‘there is room for improvement’. It bothers me sometimes, but I let it slide.

I do not cling to words of encouragement from people we consider to have made it like Lupita Nyong’o –‘All dreams are valid’ or others like she. I do not mean this in a bad way. I know they serve to encourage some people, just not me. I do, however, listen to them if only to try and see the kind of words I will be expected to say when I finally get there so that then, I can avoid them.

Yes, I have dreams. I know not all are valid, but I rather dream and fail than to fail never having dreamt at all. Gosh! I am already sounding ‘prospered’. Do not let this fool you though. I am further from the things I dream than I sound. Life has not been so kind. Before you get ahead of yourself, none of the truly disastrous things have happened to me.

I say life has not been kind, not to be dramatic, but because I really think so. I can do many things, but all I want to do is dance. Everything, however, seems to be working against that. The more I try to dance, the more everything seems to be intent on stifling the song in my heart. At first I fought, fought hard to keep the song alive, but one can only fight so far.

I have heard all kinds of words bent on resisting dance. ‘In life, we cannot always do what we want’ ‘you are not good enough’ ‘how will you earn an income?’ ‘you are not special, like the others before you, your dreams will fail, and you will settle for a job to pay your bills, while sorry that you did not listen to me’ some of them were from within, others from without.

I did not let them crush it, up until now. This is a letter. To all dreamers out there, stop it!! You are setting yourself up to fail. Choose the other option, the safe one. Go to school, work hard so that you graduate and get a job that you will not like but that will pay the bills. Money is all that matters. No one cares that you love something else.

Make your parents happy with the choices you make, it does not matter whether you are happy with the choices or not. Fit in with society. Flow with the current, regardless of the urge within you to defy it. Do not disagree with your friends if they say something about your dreams. You will end up without friends. Do not ask me to define what I mean by a friend.

I am not trying to teach you how to be a good human being. I have failed the test. I am only trying to help you avoid being an outcast. All I want to do is dance, but I will only dance from within. To music that no one can hear. Outside, I will be a robot. It is what society wants, is it not? I love happy endings, but this letter, this story of mine, has none. The future is bleak. The light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off. Who by, I have no idea.

*******

Then, I meet Him, I now know, all hope may not be lost after all….

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